Eloquence: how is your emptiness? ↘
sometimes you just feel worthless. the emptiness inside of you eat you alive without even care about. My emptiness, is my friend or I try that it can be. Amoung this years I have to face it without fear, if I want to get better I have to stay alone with myself and just drink that glass of acid of emptiness. At this moment I think that it is a place with a division. In one side is a dark hole without walls or anything that could delimit it. The other side is a garden with banks of marble but you have difficulty to sit and stay there because the whole place is sorrounded by vegetation. I have differents worlds inside of me.
No, I’m not bulletproof. The walls I used to have had slowly broken down. Everything was collapsing so fast that I took so long grasp the truth. ‘Are you okay?’ Am I? I do not know. Please define ‘okay’ when you’re constantly letting others and your self down. Please define ‘okay’ when you don’t even know what you’re feeling at times. Why should I be okay? Why should I be part of the majority? Of the hypocrites feigning happiness everyday of their lives? Why should I let you in, only to be let down all the time? Why should I be happy when it’s only a temporary feeling? I can’t be happy because that’s not who I am suppose to be. But I’m not depressed, I’m not sad enough to be that way. I can’t be happy because I do not deserve to be, because of reasons I don’t even know of. I can’t be happy because that’s not whom I want to be. I can’t be happy because it wasn’t a ground stable enough; I needed stability more than anyone or anything else. I can’t be happy because of how inadequate I feel and which I don’t even know why I feel that way. I can’t be happy because I don’t even know know who I am and what I want to be.
Why can’t I be sad? I ain’t intruding your life in any way, I’m just living the way my mind wants me to; just like how you enjoy living your life happily. It’s the same. Just that we made different choices. Just that it’s something that you will never understand.
I really fucking hate it when people ‘what’ me or ‘la’ me
